30 Oct 2008, Comments (14)

Heard today on somebody’s very large flat screen

Author: Helen

…As I was walking past, and stopped to watch for a minute or so. It was one of those daytime soaps, “the Bold and the Beautiful”, I think.

Characters: Older Woman with red jacket and hair that doesn’t move;
Older Man with grey hair and clipped facial hair.

W: Oh, I just don’t understand why she would insist on an annulment. You’ve been married for twenty years.

M: Well, you see, I… strayed.

W: Oh. Well. Well, I can’t pretend I’m not shocked to hear that. But is she really doing the right thing- to ask for an annulment?

M: Weeeeellll…. There’s more to it than that.
…I strayed [Pregnant pause}
with Wendy.

W: !With WENDY!!!!??!?

[Another pregnant pause]

…Your cow??

M [Looks wretched] Well, we’d been very close lately the two of us…

[Woman jumps to her feet. Hair still does not move]

W: You strayed…with livestock?

…Then it was time to go back to work, so I don’t know how that panned out.

Update 1 November: Brownie has it totally sussed – and I mean completely. You genius!

Comments (14)

  • Oz Ozzie says:

    annulment? Whats the financial implications of that?

    And thanks for letting us know about the hair that doesn’t move – that’s the important part 😉

  • Helen says:

    Ozzie, I did think it was strange that they used the word annulment rather than divorce. I haven’t heard it used IRL. It sounds kind of archaic, doesn’t it?

  • TimT says:

    That sounds like a mis-steak, all right.

  • M-H says:

    Annulment means the marriage never existed, so I’m not sure this, er, incident would annul 20 years of marriage which presumably did exist. People who marry in the Catholic Church and who later realise they’re gay can apply for an annulment, but I’ve always thought that was a bit dodgy. The marriage may have been fine up til then. An annulment could be granted if one of the parties lied and that lie affected the basis for the marriage, or the marriage was never consummated. That kind of thing. Now I wonder if one of the couple changing gender would be grounds for anulment?

  • brownie says:

    Tim’s correct and I’m ringing the RSPCA

    the poor cow

    (and the Kaths n Kyms buy big flat power-sucking screens to better see dross like that?)

  • Caroline says:

    It was Wendy who wanted the annulment. Too right too.

    B & teh B eh? Hmm. Well anyway, there’s been a lot of it about apparently.

  • Helen says:

    Well, you learn something new every day. But I’m sorry, bestiality isn’t included in the list of grounds for annulment. That will be the next plot twist as wife finds out she has to divorce him instead – with the cow as cow-respondent.

  • Oz Ozzie says:

    I like annulment. It’s kind of like prosecuting someone on a law that didn’t exist at the time of the crime of which they are accused. I especially like the notion that children retrospectively become illegitimate. And back in the days when my mum was small, she got extra beatings since her foster father believed she was illegitimate.

    Count me in the group that thinks this whole thing is both hypocrisy and a legal stupidity.

  • brownie says:

    it was, of course, the brilliant Boston Legal, Series 2, Episode 7 ‘Truly, Madly, Deeply’

    It’s not a cult show for nothing.

    Written by …. David E. Kelley

    Dwight Biddle: Well it’s more what I’ve gotten into I suppose. I strayed.
    Shirley Schmidt: You? Well, I, I, I can’t pretend I’m not shocked. Even so, infidelity isn’t grounds for annulment. There’s something you’re not telling me.
    Dwight Biddle: I strayed with Wendy. You’ve met Wendy
    Shirley Schmidt: Wendy. Your cow?
    Dwight Biddle: We became very close. One night I’d had a bit to drink I suppose. Jeanie and I had been a little estranged and…
    Shirley Schmidt: You strayed with livestock?

    Dwight Biddle: Well, Jeanie looks a little like a cow. You see? I fell in love with Wendy because she reminded me of you.
    __
    Jeanie Biddle: A lot of restrictions? It’s not like I set of ground rules. But limiting yourself to a single species is one of them. Our species, Dwight.
    Dwight Biddle: I broke it off.

    Wendy
    For our music fans, as you know, DEK likes to toy with musical ironies. Toward the end of this episode, while Dwight Biddle poignantly released his love for Wendy, the cow, and recommitted to Jeanie, his cow wife, the pet sounds [haha] of the Beach Boys’ “Wendy” played, underlining the angst. For a limited time, you can listen to a streaming version of the song on our home page embedded player.
    Wendy, Wendy what went wrong
    Oh so wrong
    We went together for so long…

  • TimT says:

    Including the cow in the court case would be taking their beef to a whole new level…

    Ahem.

    Anyway, according to Steve here, in Bali if a man is caught having sex with a cow, the cow must, according to law, be drowned. That’s wrong in so many ways!

  • Helen says:

    Many, many ways. Please ahem, steer the conversation away from that. Otherwise I’m going to conclude you’re just full of bull.

    Brownie, I’ll say it again: genius. Dwight Biddle?!

  • […] to go back to work, so I don’t know how that panned out. Update 1 November: Brownie has it totally sussed – and I mean completely. Yougenius! […]

  • brownie says:

    oh you sweet thing. however, I was merely intrigued that soaps might be funny and maybe I should look; so I guugled “Wendy the cow” and there it was. total no brainer. I may have even seen that episode, but the memory just merged into all the other insane plots of the show.
    May I commend your recall of the overheard lines.
    Denny Crane loves you too.

  • shula says:

    Looks like time for me to get Boston Legal out from the vid shop.

    Better late than never…

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