9 Aug 2008, Comments Off on Being a real-life Princess: You’re someone to be reckoned with: now make me a sandwich

Being a real-life Princess: You’re someone to be reckoned with: now make me a sandwich

Author: Helen

I’m not much of a fan of royal people and try to ignore them whenever I can. Ditto womens’ glossies. But when that Mary whatsername from Tasmania married that Fred person from Denmark, I was happy to see an Aussie-related royal with some dignity and brains for a change. She was a class act, and she whupped Fred’s ass in a sailing race soon after they got engaged.

Since then, the vile Fairfax / News Ltd / Womens magazine complex has been examining every wart that they can detect (or imagine) with their dirty-linen-oscope in the hope that, like That Other princess, she’ll crash and burn. Happily Mary has refused to oblige, continuing to be a Class Act. But they try their best. The other day I was waiting in the express lane with an eggplant and a carton of milk when I copped an eyeful of some stupid headline on one of those moronic mags, along the lines of OH NO MARY CAN’T COOK!!1!1!1!

Seriously, if an identifiable womens glossy mag employee had been ahead of me in the queue, he or she would have copped that eggplant right up the jacksie, and you know how much the stem part would hurt.

I googled for a link, and discovered that this horrifying news was all over the tabloids like a rash. But I’m not giving Fairfax any free kicks either. Here, in the SMH, it was listed under fucking breaking news. Fuck! Sorry, words fail me. Breaking news.

For those murrikins who thankfully don’t share the Australian tabloid obsession with European royals, the job-while not being rocket science- is actually quite taxing. It’s a bit like our Governor-General, you have to function as a figurehead of State while participating in all kinds of rituals mandated by the State and tradition. And both spouses are involved. It’s a very public and taxing role, and it’s evidently not about lying on your pink Sparkle Princess couch eating bon-bons. What does the job not entail? What’s something that people at that level would routinely outsource to others? that’s right – cooking!

But heaven forbid that any woman should display the genetic defect of not being a good cook, because as we know they should be hard-wired for it, and now the dynasty will be ruined.

As far as I know, no articles have appeared claiming that Prince Fred is unable to mow his own lawn.

Comments (0)

  • M-H says:

    I do despair. The weirdest thing is that, according to all received wisdom (ie op ed in the press), no mothers or wives (or any other readers of women’s mags) can cook. Not proper cooking, like what we used to do in the Good Old Days. They all feed their families rubbish, thus fuelling the Childhood Obesity Epidemic. They are Time-Poor and never Make Things from Scratch. Why single out Mary, who can at least employ people to provide her family with nourishing food?

  • Helen says:

    That’s right, I only bought that eggplant so that I could put it on a square white platter, Donna Hay-style, to look gorgeous.
    Or ram up some glossy journo’s* arse. Either-or.

    *Of course, “journo” is stretching a point, as all the articles I googled basically retail Fred’s interview with a bit of OMG!! spin.

  • Ozymandias says:

    My wife couldn’t cook. Couldn’t wash up, either. But shit, couldshe dance! Haven’t we moved on a bit? Just a little bit? That whole celebrity-mag genre of ‘journalism’ is just so conservative. Thank e-god for blogs like this, in which real women are given a real voice!

  • shula says:

    Dude, if I got to be a princess, cooking would be the first thing to go.

    Just GIVE me an excuse.

  • Anodyne says:

    wot Shula said, ditto.
    All those moronic magazines are evil.

    You have children who will eat eggplant?
    Good on YOU.

  • Helen says:

    Sadly, no. That would have been the night Boychild had gone on a sleepover with a friend. Otherwise there would have been much nose-holding, pantomime vomiting, etc.

  • Oz Ozzie says:

    I’m disappointed in you, Helen. I was sure that being a princess meant that you got to live out the fantasy of doing all the cooking while the prince sat on the lounge and farted while watching the… oh hang on, I’ve got my stereotypes mixed up?

    As for us, we decided that cleaning was the first to go, way before cooking. Getting up in the middle of the night would go too, way before cooking. I guess we just both like cooking 😉

    Anyway, given a choice between a woman who could whup up an omelet or whup your ass, which man wouldn’t choose the second? Omelets are easy (and extra good with more mushrooms 😉

  • TimT says:

    It’s great when the MSM disappear up their own clacker. Whether it’s figuring out that a major cause of emissions is emissions, or seriously arguing that art shouldn’t be judged on its qualities or virtues, or simply presenting a mundane, unimportant story as a breaking headline of international import – ‘MARY CAN’T COOK OMG WTF!!!!’ – they really are making fools of themselves nowadays.

    Fabulous post, Helen!

  • Zoe says:

    I always assumed she couldn’t cook. Too skinny.

  • Ariel says:

    Hee hee. Nice closing.

    I’m not a great cook, either. I mean, I can do it, but I’d prefer not to. I must be a defective woman, too, then.

  • Bill Posters says:

    “Breaking news” is code for “whatever’s coming off the AAP wire”.

    So you can blame AAP for this one, rather than Fairfax. Or alternatively in addition to Fairfax, as news it certainly isn’t.

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