9 Jun 2005, Comments (0)

Now, children, are you sitting comfortably?

Author: Helen

OK, then I’ll begin.

See the horsies.
See the pretty, pretty horsies!


The pretty horsies have come to town to protest against no more cows in the Alpine national park.
See the cattle farmer.
The cattle farmer pays $5.50 a head per season to have cattle in the national park.
That is very, very cheap.
The cattle farmer is very sad that now he will have to pay what the other farmers pay.

See the Greenie.
The Greenie says cows damage the environ-ment in the national park.
Naughty, naughty Greenie!
Greenie is killing the Man from Snowy River!!
Do you know who the Man from Snowy River was, children?
The MFSR was a man who rode a horsie.
He rode a horsie very, very fast.
He didn’t actually have any cows.
The cattle farmers say if we don’t have cows in the alps any more, no one will ever ride a horsie very, very fast.

See the bog.
See the alpine bog.
Bogs are boring! Who cares about bogs?
See the hoofprints in the alpine bog.
The alpine bog used to be like a big sponge.
A sponge just like the one you have in the bath!
Water ran through the sponge down to the rivers.
Pretty, fresh river!
See the river.
The river is full of silt.
The alpine bog is all com-pac-ted with hoof prints.

See the scientist.
Boring scientist!
He’s not cute, he doesn’t ride a horse, and he doesn’t wear a drizabone!
See the scientist waving independent studies showing that Alpine Grazing doesnÌt reduce Blazing and in fact it is degrading the environ-ment!
Well, who would ever want to make a movie about someone like that?

See the cele-bri-ty.
See the celebrity join the protesters with their pretty horsies.
That’s funny, other celebrities get laughed at when they join protesters!
And usually the pretty horsies would be stomping on the protesters.
Squish, squish, squish!
Repeat after me, children:
Celebrity in anti nuclear protest, bad.
Celebrity in protest against national park, good.

See the office worker.
See the office worker looking at all the pretty horsies.
He wishes he could afford a pretty horse like that!
The office worker doesn’t know his taxes are helping to support the pretty horsies.
That’s because the cows only cost $5.50.
Per head per season.
And his taxes pay for cleaning up after them.

Comments (0)

  • Anne Arkie says:

    I reckon Bracksie has the measure of that mob of bighats. Ryan and Doyle will lead them out to graze on pretty Alpine flowers, the cameras right behind. They’ll be up to their ankles in bullshit, staring ruefully into a deeply eroded creek bank, swatting hundreds of sticky little bush-flies away from the corners of their lying mouths, and wondering how the hell they were suckered so easily. In good time, Brumby’ll ride out on ol’ Revenue, to handfeed the starving cockies. Then the cows will come home in Nov ’06.

    Who put the water back into the Snowy, anyway? Maybe Doyle wants to repeal that, too. Heritage is a marvellously malleable tool, but sometimes it flicks back, right in the gob.

  • […] Last year, I posted a few times on the alpine cattle dispute, the ban on grazing in the Victorian high country, and the appropriation of “tradition” and iconic status by the grazier families to try and win an unwinnable debate. If you’re new to this story, here’s a very simple explanation. […]

  • […] On the way to the farm we stopped on the road for a herd of cattle (black Angus) which were energetically rounded up and herded onto the road by a cattleman on a chestnut horse, at a gallop, assisted by a long-haired red kelpie and a cattle dog. You might think this is inconsistent of me if you’ve seen some of last years posts, but I like to see them doing their thing… just not on the high plains. The grazier whose hut we stayed in doesn’t need to graze his cattle there, either. […]

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