22 Nov 2004, Comments (0)

Whenever I see the word Santa, I reach for my gun

Author: Helen

(For Mallrat)

Like Kath and Kim, the eldest sprog and I were breezing aroung Hoighpoint recently, on the 13th of Nov to be precise (yes, this is relevant). I was appalled to walk into Big W in search of teeny gear and be confronted with the full-on Christmas nightmare. Decorations up, Musak on, and all the poor bloody shop assistants forced to work in drag as Santas and Elves.

HEY! IT’S NOT EVEN F@@@@ MID-NOVEMBER, PEOPLE!!

Look, I’m not a religious person, but I still have some vestige of feeling for Christmas as a family holiday, first and foremost a time to spend with your nearest and dearest, a necessary punctuation to the working year and time to catch a breath and reflect. This madness would spoil that feeling for me even if I thought they were sincere in their stupidity. But these retailers piss on that definition of Christmas. Not to mention the reprimands and sackings which would be inflicted on wretched casual staff who refuse to humiliate themselves by dressing up in Elf or Santa drag.

Bah! Humbug.

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Yes, Santa delivers toys from his flying sleigh, but our boys in the Air Force deliver death from Above! (Via Cap’nWacky.com)

Comments (0)

  • Flute says:

    I completely agree with what you’re saying. However, being a souless sham, I took my girls to see “Santa” two weeks ago. No queues, magic! However I now pay the price every day by having to explain that “Santa” is not coming for over one month away. A difficult timespan for a three year old, and difficult for me to explain.

    Damn you David Jones!!!!!!

  • Helen says:

    Exactly…
    What part of “seasonal” do they not understand?

  • Sedgwick says:

    Dammit Flute, a touch of honesty and parental responsibility here, puhleeze!

    What part of “there aint no Santa Clause, it’s all a shameful sham. It’s all about the holy baby jeebus and he doesn’t do elves and bloody nosed reindeer. Presents!? Thousands of starving Russians would give their right arm just for a slice of bread and dripping, so stop rabbiting on about wanting presents. If you want presents, go to K-Mart and shoplift them like I had to when I was your age. And stop snivelling or I’ll take away the stick and the rusty jam tin you got for your birthday”, is a three year old not capable of understanding?

    We set our daughter straight when she was 2. Her weekly loving and grateful letters from the juvenile detention centre psychiatric ward are a joy to our hearts. Last Xmas she sent us a set of the number plates she’d banged out on the anvil herself. IH8U2 So touching.

    Flute, Rule 303. Bite the bullet.

  • mallrat says:

    Did you see the front page of the Hun today- Kylie playing Epponee as an adult? they should have got nicole kidman.

  • Flute says:

    After my ten stretch in chokey for accosting a nun, it was only Jesus that saw me through. The born again christian line went down a treat with the parole board and I was released ahead of time. Anyway, I have to go and cleanse the streets.

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